A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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