I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
