I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
