I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
