I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
