You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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