Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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