I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
