you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize