Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
