If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im calling her cock vulture from now on
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
