Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
