Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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