me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize