he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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