my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize