Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize