I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
