Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize