Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just had sex on a roof
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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