i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
