Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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