you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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