Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
