saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
tell me about the fingering
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
