You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
