do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
