I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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