And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize