Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
