i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
BRING THE BAGELS
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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