So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
