I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
