why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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