sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
