if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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