i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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