Your dad touched me again.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
3pm strippers are depressing
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you never un-have a 4some
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
