Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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