yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
