I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
