I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
