oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
