How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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