Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
