Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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