Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
