So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
