Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
