my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
