I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
