About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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