at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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