He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
