Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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