So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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