Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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