i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize