Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
