Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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