A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
