We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize