kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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