Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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