I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
