looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
