it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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