I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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